2 Mile Run in Pseudocode

require ("Nike+");

function run (@tempo, @distance) {
 var @m; // instantiate mile variable
 
 // create new Nike+ instance
 @np = new Nike+();
 @np.setDistance(@distance);
 @np.setPlaylist("Hella Sound Running");
 
 // loop through each mile in distance
 for (@m; @m <= @distance; @m++) {
  @t = getTerrain();
  if (@t["elevation"]["upcoming"] > @t["elevation"]["current"]) {
   John.stride.length--;
  }
  John.legs.ambulate();
 }
}

function getTerrain () {
 var @surface;
 var @elevation = array ();
 // returns concrete, asphalt, gravel, dirt
 @surface = eval(Earth.loc.surface);
 // assess current elevation
 @elevation["current"] = Earth.loc().topography; 
 // assess upcoming elevation
 @elevation["upcoming"] = Earth.loc("10 feet ahead").topography; 
 return array(@surface, @elevation)
}

$(John.ready(function(@) {
 // put on some clothes
 John.apparel("Asics", "Racevine shirt", "shorts"); 
 // hydrate a little
 John.drink("water");
 // run, bitches! 
 John.run("165", "2");
});

I dare you to out-dork this post. I mean, how are you going to beat poorly-written procedural pseudocode? The gauntlet, my running blogging friends, has been thrown down.

Total Weight: -12lbs*
* Yeah, big weight change since last Friday. Sunday and Monday were gluttonous: IHOP, Gamine, Chinese food and Philly cheesesteak. Bad and off-plan, but this'll drop back down just as quick as it went up.